53 Once there was a man and he really really wanted to meet the pope. One day he finally does, but he's very nervous. He says, "Oh Pope, I have always wanted to meet you. And now that I have, I just don't know what to say!" So the pope says "Just say what you feel or tell a joke or a story!" The man says "Okay, cool. I'll tell a joke I heard. Once there was this Polack..." The Pope says "But son, I am Polish." And the man says "That's OK, Pope. I'll talk real slow!"  54 A man goes into a cafe, looks at the menu, and says to the waitress, "I'd like a quickie." The waitress gives him a dirty look and asks what he'd like for lunch. "I want a quickie" the man repeats. The waitress slaps him in the face and orders him to leave. As he's leaving another diner says to him "I think it's pronounced quiche."  55 This man in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone in there?" The guy in the Rolls says "Yes, of course I do." "I got one too... see?" "Uh huh, yes, that's very nice." Then the man in the Granada says, "You got a fax machine?" "Why, actually, yes, I do." "I do too! See? It's right here!" "Uh-huh." The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Granada says, "So, do YOU have a double bed in back there?" And the guy in the Rolls says "NO! Do you?" "Yep, got my double bed right in back here — see?!" The light turns and the man in the Granada takes off. Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Granada. He finally finds it parked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it. The windows on the Granada are all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Granada. The man in the Granada finally opens the window a crack and peeks out and the guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember me?" "Yeah, Yeah, I remember you. What's up?" "Check this out — I got a double bed installed in my Rolls." And the man in the Granada says, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"  56 What do a redneck divorce and a tornado have in common? Either way someone's gonna lose a trailer!  57 A college graduate applies for a job as an industrial spy. Together with several other applicants, he is given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor. As soon as the young man is alone, he steps into an empty hallway and opens the packet. Inside, a message reads: "You're our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor."  58 A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. Sure enough, when she comes  home, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead. The blonde is angry — she opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and points it to her head. The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."  59 A boy and his Father visiting from a third world country were at an American shopping mall.  They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his Father, "What is this Father?". The Father responded, "Son I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is!". While the boy and his Father were watching wide eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.  The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.  The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a voluptuous 24 year old woman stepped out. The Father said to his son, "Go get your Mother". 60 During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. Two weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account! 61 In baseball, even though the distance from each base to the next is the same, why does it take the longest time to get from second base to third base? There is a short stop between.  62 Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second guy says, "What are you doing? He says, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it." The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear." The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you !"  63 Mr. Franklin was unable to keep from running over the cat as it bolted through a bush and darted in front of his car. Picking up the poor limp animal, he carried it to the house and rang the bell. A white haired old woman answered the door. "I'm sorry," said Mr. Franklin, "but I'm afraid I've run over your cat. I'd like to replace it." "Certainly," the woman replied. "How are you at catching mice?"  64 A very religious man wanted to prove his faith in God. So, he tied himself to a pylon in the ocean, with the water up to his chest. As the tide started to come in, a boat came by. The  man in the boat said, "Hey, what are you doing? Get in my boat and I will save you." At which time the man said that he had total faith in God and that he would not let him drown. As the water neared his head, another boat came by. The man stopped and said the same thing. To which the near drowning man stated, "I have total faith in my God, he will not let me drown." So, the boat went away. A third boat came by. This boater was frantic...being that the water was lapping at the man's nose. But the response was the same. As the last boat left, the water rose above his head and he drowned. Walking around Heaven...the man was clearly confused....when he then saw God. "Lord, i had total faith in you...why would you let me down like that...you made no effort to stop the tide!" At which time God stated, "...what more did you want from me...I sent you three boats!!!!"  65 A panda bear went into a bar and ordered a sandwich... the waiter brought him the sandwich and he ate it... he then pulled out a pistol, killed the waiter and got up and started to walk out. The bartender yells for him to stop. The panda bear says "what do you want"? The bartender replies "first you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food". The panda bear turns around and says "Hey! I'm a Panda... Look it up!"... The bartender goes in the back room, looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia which read: Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for it's stark black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

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