26 A rabbi and a priest got into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "so you're a priest; I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." The priest replies, "I  agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God." The rabbi continues "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest. The priest asks, Aren't you having any? The rabbi replies, No...I think I'll wait for the police. 27 After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed that a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than he. "I don't understand," he complained to Saint Peter.  "I devoted my entire life to my congregation." "Our policy here in Heaven is to reward results," Saint Peter explained. "Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?" "Well," the minister had to admit," some in the congregation fell asleep from time to time." "Exactly," said Saint Peter. "And when people rode in this man's taxi, they not only stayed awake, they even prayed."  28 A little boy asked his mother one day how old she was and how much she weighed. "Johnny," she replied, "those are two things you do not ever ask a woman." Johnny went outside and told his friend about it and his friend told  him. "If you really want to know, look at your mom's driver's license." Johnny went back inside, got his mother's wallet and found out her age and weight. When she came downstairs he said "Mom, I know how old you are and how much you weight!" "How did you find it?" his mother asked. "Easy, I looked on your driver's license. I also found out why Dad divorced you." he said with a big smile. "Excuuuuuse me, but how did you find that out?" "Easy" Johnny said. "It shows on your driver's license that you got an F in sex."  29 A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work? "Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."  30 From the New York Post, May 28, 1997:
STUNNED WIFE SUES HER GENDER-BENDING "HUBBY" - by David K. Li, Post Correspondent Santa Ana, California -- You can't argue with this as grounds for divorce.  A California woman ended her marriage in March when she found out -- after almost a year -- that her spouse was another woman, court papers said. Now Correen Zahnzinger, 24, is suing alleged gender bender Valerie Inga, 29, for fraud and infliction of emotional distress. Zahnzinger claims she believed -- during two years of dating and their married life together -- that Inga was actually Antonia Marciano, a man. The lawsuit filed in Orange County Superior Court last week does not explain how Zahnzinger was fooled. (Ha! Ha!) 31 A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.  Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed  your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"  32 A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport, he could get himself home. So, he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get out of my cab!" So, the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight. One year later, the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of the line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport?" he asked. "Fifteen bucks," came the reply." "Would you take me for ten bucks and slash the tires on the cabs of these few other cabbies I hate, for another 500 bucks cause they wouldn't take me earlier when I was broke?" "What?!!! Get out of my cab!" The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "Fifteen bucks." The businessman said "Okay" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.  33  A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun essayed. "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered.  "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you,  Mr. Smith.  Nuns are not 'spinsters;' they are married to God." "Wonderful," said Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."  34 A little girl came up to her mother and asked "Mummy where did I come from?"  The mother was stunned by the question, she looked at her little girl and sighed. She then said "Oh...well..I think you're old enough to know...You see those flowers over there and those bees?.."  She went on telling the girl about the birds and the bees and the facts of life. When she finished, she noticed that her little girl was about to cry so she asked, "What's wrong darling?" The girl cried out, "I only wanted to know where I came from, but you won't tell me....Jane's mother told her she came from Iowa." 

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