123 The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied: "When white man find land, Indians running it, had shelter, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women worked at home, took care of children; medicine man was free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex. Then the chief leaned back and smiled. "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that." 124 Surprise ending. 125 Man against wave. 126 An idea, next time you redo your bathroom.  127
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128 Baby Billie Jean: Michael Jackson babies dancing.(type into YouTube) 129 A guy walks into a bar with his dog and sits down at the counter where the bartender tends. The bartender walks up and says what'll you have? The guy says, If you give me a free beer, my dog will talk to you. Ok, says the bartender, Here's your beer and turns to the dog on the stool next to his owner, Ok what have you got to say? The dog says, Indubitably, this is a great bar! Astonished, the bartender says to the dog, Hey, here's five bucks, will you take it across the street to the store and bring me back a package of gum. Sure says the dog and away he goes. Time passes a bit and the dog hasn't returned. The bartender asks the owner to go and see what's taking so long. The owner walks out and sees the dog humping another dog. Hey, I've never seen you doing that before. The dog looks up and says, Hey, I've never had five bucks before. 130 At a county fair two kids were at a booth that had a sign which said, Help yourself to one apple. One of the kids says to the other, No one is watching, I'm going to take one for later as well. No, said the other kid, God is watching the apples. Ok, says the other, I'll just take one. They move on to another booth that displayed cookies that also had a sign Please only take one free. So the one kid takes 5 cookies. The other kid says, What are you doing? God will see you cheat. No He won't says the other, He's watching the apples. 131 My father is 96 and has sex almost every day, almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday ... 132 A woman named Mabel dies in an vehicle accident and is met by those on the other side. They tell her it was a terrible mistake and she has another 40 years to go, so they send her back. She returns and figures that since she has another 4 decades to go she might as well look younger, so she gets plastic surgery to look like a teenager. Coming out of the plastic surgery clinic, she heads across into the street and gets hit again by a truck and dies. Again she is in the after life, and she's mad as hell. She meets the chief gatekeeper again and says, You told me I had another 40 years to go and within a week I'm here again. The gatekeeper says, Mabel, is that you? 133 This 95 year old guy is in hell. On his knee is a sweet young thing. A new member to hell observes and asks another, This sure doesn't look like hell for this guy. The other answers, It is for her. 134 Why did God create Adam first? So he would have a chance to have something to say. 135 Hey Adam, says God. I created you with a brain and a penis. Problem is there is only enough blood in the body to run one at a time. 136 Twin meanings:

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a 3 year old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear the one about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now!

The roundest knight at King Arthur's table was Sir Cumference.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone. It's two tired!

137 Fly much? 138 Always a way out! 139 Irish gone crazy! 140 It was a water leak! 141 Eastern Europe 
Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
Hotel catering to skiers, Austria: NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.
Taken from a menu, Poland: SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.
From the "Soviet Weekly": HERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.
Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

Australia and New Zealand (say, don't they speak English there?) 
On a poster in Sydney : ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
In a New Zealand restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
On a highway sign in Australia: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER; THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

Far East 
Supermarket, Hong Kong: FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.
An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
Booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan: COOLES AND HEATES; IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
Translated from Japanese to English and included in the instructions for a soap bubble gun: WHILE SOLUTION IS NOT TOXIC IT WILL NOT MAKE CHILD EDIBLE.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIORS IN BED.
Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Car rental brochure, Tokyo: WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.
Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand: PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.

Africa 
In an East African newspaper: A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.
In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On a South African building: MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.
In a South African maternity ward: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.
Mexico and South America 

Hotel, Acapulco: THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

French Hotel Advertising Brochure: WE HAVE A FRENCH WIDOW IN EVERY BEDROOM.

142 "An old Twilight Zone TV show episode.(To Serve Man).is about where an alien with great technologies and unlimited resources came to Earth saying: "We have come to serve the people of Earth and wished to bring them back to our planet just to serve them in any way they can be served, who wants to come with us?" The alien had their honored book with chapter after chapter written on just how to serve the peoples of Earth. The title of the book was transcribed to English which said "To Serve Man" with the rest of the book in the alien language. The aliens took the book with them to show all everywhere they went." Well all the people of the globe started lining up to go to the new world to be served in so many ways as implied by the aliens." Just right before the space ship that held hundreds of thousands was about to take off, a linguist who had just deciphered the alien language and read the rest of their book ran up to the ship as the doors were closing with the last people, young and old walking through the door. He screamed frantically: "Don't Go! Don't Go!! Their book is a cook book! Don't go!" ...Walter Burien.(cafr1.com). Important to understand the meanings of those in authority, and anyone for that matter, tells you, as often they want you to assume one meaning that may be of benefit to you while at the same time they have nefarious purposes.

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