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R e l a t i o n s h i p s
p a g e  5

Relationships have difficulties because of non nourishing behaviors such as dishonesty, abuse, manipulation, calculating/executing selfish advantage, etc. One needs to get quiet in meditation to have an objective insight into what he or she really is like.

If you are trying to nourish a relationship it's good to know what the East Indians call the Doshas regarding our role in a relationship.

In this busy world we never seem to have time for this as we are always acting from the us we only see the surface of. 

Consequently we don't even know 'what's in there'. We are often so involved with the present's packaging and delivery that we have forgotten the details of beautiful design the present may be. Point is, we must look at what's inside. All is beautiful in it's own time. What seems ugly at first is only that way because we haven't listened to its message. Just looking at our dark side, our shadow side, is a beginning for a beautiful journey. Why?

So, the 'empty box' analogy can apply to male/female, boss/employee, parent/child, etc. relationships. Ask yourself what is the message I am to get from this separation?

The empty box:.Picture two people facing each other. Between them is an invisible box we'll say represents this new creation, this relationship you both are building.
   The box has holes in its bottom representing the drain of daily living and the vicissitudes of each other's emotions and the often misunderstanding feeding them. Each in the relationship contributes their best into this box until one gets fed up for some reason or the other and stops putting into it. One begins being silent. Silence in a relationship is a signal that there is not a relationship anymore. It's over!
   When you can't express yourself in a relationship, there isn't one. The onus is now on the other to put in a 'double portion'.(some triple, right?).to keep the relationship going until the other may again contribute. But if this doesn't occur within a reasonable period of time, the contributor becomes frustrated, drained and upset and gives up the effort too. Soon the invisible box becomes empty and then, having no use, dissipates. It takes two to make a relationship but only one to break it.

Once this spiritual/emotional/mental part of the relationship is over, it will not be long before the physical part will be too. Then you are faced with living a fraud by being in a dead relationship you may want others to see as alive, sort of a keeping up appearances, for some stupid reason.

The rapport has been severed, the rapport that at one time ensured that each time there was interaction the relationship took at least a small step up, maybe a large one. 

The relationship began to go to sleep or stand still or lie dead the minute the first stopped contributing and the second one or the other failed to see value. We would have better relationships if this value was the basis of what is called marriage, which really is a merging of each person's spirit into an infinite relationship. But it's a physical world and the connection with the Soul is often submerged.

One's individual judgment has to be used to determine at what point the relationship really is 'laid to rest'. Then we could perhaps apply.Romans 7:2 to the dead relationship.

Dead and dying relationships often encapsulate one's emotions in a box of dullness. The way out of this dark box is to open the lid to let the light illuminate what's still out there for you:.Hebrews 13:5 "...I will never leave you, nor forsake you."

This is why it's important to desire to know the depth, the strength of one's soul connection. But what if you're just so down

What are they like really, deep in there? If you can't be sure at first, why go further? If you are of higher consciousness, know that the spirit makes no errors. The gut feeling at the first is the result you'll experience later if you don't listen to it.

If you 'have to' get to know someone well first, it's probably not going to be the 'right one', because you are insecure. If both are of higher consciousness, each sees this immediately and the relationship just soars from there:.Amos 3:3. Without growth in the Soul of both before even meeting, forget it, it's done like dinner. You might as well not waste time out there yet, until you take some thinking about higher consciousness principles and decide to live them yourself. Your heart will change to higher quality, lifting you out of the garbage level of ordinary mass mind thinking and good will come to you.

It is very important to treat each other in a loving relationship with the greatest of special concern, consideration and respect.(Ephesians 5:31-33; Malachi 2:15).and to do little niceties for each other. Little things are most important:.Ephesians 5:28-30. The difference in anything can be the little things which together outshine deficiencies

We leave our parents for getting together with another in a relationship:.Genesis 2:24. During our time here we want to live our lives with someone dear to us. One way to keep the 'dearness' is to constantly improve yourself so you are of increasing value; important to keep yourself new, that is, keep learning so you have new stuff to talk about, to think about. Your value to another is your knowledge and what that knowledge has produced in experience and life actions.

Selfishness is worthlessness. We all treasure that which we highly value. Some people only highly value themselves. Instead, become an indispensable treasure to your mate and to others. Learn to tell stories that enthrall

Children love stories; make them up as you tell them. It's good because they are original and just from you and it's good because they get to see how you are and they need role models to follow. Made up stories with little lessons that will be helpful to them are valuable. To be worthy of another, one must have recognizable value to another. It's the same on the job.

1Corinthians 7:39 says:."The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives, but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord."

The word "lives" means 'full', 'exciting and vibrant'. The word "dead" here is different than the 'dead' meaning most commonly used, such as: 'you die' as 'you're put into the ground or cremated'; 'you're gone from the physical'; 'you are no longer able to interact with your environment', however it can also mean death as in 1Corinthians 15:51, etc.

The word Paul used here, is the only place it is used out of the 295 places in the New Testament where the words dead or death are used. It means 'of things put or set in any place'; 'to stand still', 'to lie still', 'sleep'.

In all other places.(19 in all).where this original Greek word is utilized, it means 'sleep calmly'.(as the saints in Christ who die awaiting a resurrection). In places.(27 in all).where its root is used, it means 'laid', 'lain', 'lay', 'lie', 'lying', set', 'not made', 'upon' and  'appointed'.

I.think.that Paul is saying what is explained above in the 'empty box' analogy. I think this because of the word used and because of the rest of what I said about these passages and because."God has called us to peace":.1Corinthians 7:15.

Now do not be so inconsiderate, stupid and utterly selfish as to want a divorce if children are involved. If you got kids, you got big time commitment to those children! Even though the heart commitment is broken between you and your partner, the heart and head commitment is still there regarding the children.

Such things as breakup are usually because one feels lack and figures that 'the grass is greener on the other side of the fence'. It may be a trap to trick you or it may not.

If you are.sure they too.would be much better off and away from your partner, then get out and divorce! Depending on their age, you can tell the kids why and how much of the 'why'. But never run your former partner down.(or anybody for that matter).to try to turn the kids against him or her. That breeds hate! And, you reap what you sow. Before a kid can become a criminal, he develops hate toward something; himself.(blames himself), others, the way society appears to be for him or her, etc.

Be intelligent enough to ensure that the kids stay with the one most competent.(well qualified and capable).toward their upbringing. The kids here are the primary concern! 

If the relationship is not as at the first, when you both were excited about building this new creation of part of each of you; if the relationship is retrogressing, then get out:.1John 2:24. If two are in Christ, love and progress 'should' be forthcoming from both:.1John 4:7,8,11. If you both are excited about spiritual progress in God, you'll also be excited about each other.

If the relationship is not hot for God and instead is insipid, it should be spit out:.Revelation 3:15,16. Women in this age of radical feminism and men, not taught much as boys, by their too busy mothers and fathers, both need wisdom to know how to have harmonious relationships and wisdom to know when to move on. If you have tried and it's unworkable, well, why be where love isn't? You pass this way once. Try to enjoy the journey! Ride it out! See where life takes you. And yes, some circumstances will be rough and others easy on you.

Should I stay or should I go? Only you can decide if the hope you have for a better tomorrow is worth today's and maybe more days of sorrow.

-What about those couples together for 50 years of more? What is their secret?

-I'm in a Christian/non Christian relationship, having been awakened to spirituality after marrying this man. That is my situation. Is there hope for a good relationship?
 


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