74 The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college was lecturing on sexual morality: "In moments of temptation," said the speaker to the class, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?" A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: "How do you make it last an hour?"  75 One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the Captain, "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream and we're gonna get killed!" 76 There was this Christian lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business, so she did a lot of flying. Flying made her nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her. One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was doing. After awhile, he turned to her and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?" The lady replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible." He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?" She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible." He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?" The lady said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him." "What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically. "Then you can ask him." replied the lady.  77 Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?" The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"  78 A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in comes four exuberant blondes.  They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table.  The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51  days!" Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting  grows, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices join in raising the roof, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm.  She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautiful child's puzzle of the cookie monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?" The blonde who brought in the picture pipes up, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight.  Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2 - 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"  79 A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb."  The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down  from there before he hurts himself" Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"  80 If people actually looked like they do in their passport photos, very few countries would let them in. 81  A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: "What's with these guys?  We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" Doctor: "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" Priest: "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper.  Let's have a word with him." Priest: "Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" George: "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.  They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. Priest: "That's so sad.  I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." Doctor: "Good idea.  And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." Engineer: "Why can't these guys play at night?"  82  Brother John was on his death bed and was determined, when he was to die, that he would take all the remainder of his small fortune to the grave with him. So, he called for the Pastor of his church, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. He made his desire known  to them and made them promise that if he would give them the remainder of his money, that they would throw it into his coffin just before he was buried, in order to take his money with him. Upon his death, each of the three gentlemen threw an envelope into the casket just before it was sealed. Later, while at lunch, The Minister said that he was feeling very guilty because Bro. John had given him $50.000, but when he thought about the church's need for new windows, he took out $20,000 and only put $30.000 in the coffin. He said that he will dedicate the new windows in Bro. John's name. Then the Doctor confessed that he thought about the new wing the hospital needed and withheld $25,000 from the envelope and only threw in $25,000. He would then name the new hospital wing for Bro. John. The Lawyer then jumped to his feet and scolded the other two, reminding them how badly Bro. John was determined to take his small fortune with him. Then he advised the two that they should have done as he had...."I put a check for $50,000 knowing if Bro. John can spend their money, that he can certainly cash this check." 

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