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M a t i n g  -  A  B e a u t y  T o  D e s i r e
p a g e  3

W i l d  a t  H e a r t

CHAPTER TEN
A BEAUTY TO RESCUE
Page 3

USING HER
Most men want the maiden without any sort of cost to themselves. They want all the joys of the beauty without any of the woes of the battle. This is the sinister nature of pornography, enjoying the woman at her expense. 

Pornography is what happens when a man insists on being energized by a woman. He uses her to get a feeling that he is a man. It is a false strength, as I've said, because it depends on an outside source rather than emanating from deep within his center. And it is the paragon of selfishness. He offers nothing and takes everything.

We are warned about this sort of man in the story of Judah and.Tamar.(daughter of David and Maachah).and.Onan and his brother.Er, a story that if it weren't in the Bible you would have thought I drew straight from a television miniseries.

Judah is the fourth son born to Jacob. You might remember him as the one who came up with the idea to sell his brother Joseph into slavery:.Genesis 37:18-28

Judah has three sons himself:.Genesis 38:3-10. When the eldest becomes a man, Judah finds a wife for him named.Tamar. For reasons not fully explained to us, their 'marriage' is short-lived:.Genesis 38:7."But Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the Lord's sight, so the Lord put him to death"

Judah gives his second son to.Tamar, as was the law and custom of that time.

It is.Onan's.responsibility to raise up children in his brother's name, but he refuses to do it. He is a proud and self-centered man who angers the Lord,."so he put him to death also"....Genesis 38:10. You're beginning to get the idea here; selfish men, a woman wronged and the Lord is mad.

God favors women very greatly, as He did here:.Numbers 27:1-11.

Judah has one son left, named Shelah. The boy is the last of his strength and Judah has no intention of spending it on Tamar's behalf. He lies to.Tamar, telling her to go back home and when Shelah is old enough he'll give him to her as her husband. He does not.

What follows is hard to believe, especially when you consider that.Tamar.is a righteous woman. She disguises herself as a prostitute and sits by the road Judah is known to use. He has sex with her, but is unable to pay. Tamar takes his seal and cord and staff as a pledge. Later, word gets out that Tamar is pregnant. Judah is filled with what he insists is righteous indignation. He demands that she be burned to death, at which point Tamar produces the witness against him.."See if you recognize whose seal and cord and staff these are.".Judah is nailed. He more than recognizes them; he realizes what he's been doing all along.."She is more righteous than I, since I wouldn't give her to my son Shelah"....Genesis 38:25,26.

A sobering story of what happens when men selfishly refuse to spend their strength on behalf of the woman. But the same thing happens in all sorts of other ways and starts very early in life.

Pretty women endure this abuse all the time. They are pursued, but not really; they are wanted, but only superficially. They learn to offer their bodies but never, ever their souls. Most men, you see, marry for safety. They choose a woman who will make them feel like a man but never really challenge them to be one.

A young man whom I admire is wrestling between a woman called Rachel who he is now dating and one named Julie he knew years ago and is also now dating. Rachel is asking a lot of him; truth be told, he feels in way over his head. Julie seems more idyllic. In.his.imagination she would be the perfect mate:.Proverbs 3:5.

Life with Rachel is tumultuous. Life with Julie seems calm and tranquil. "You want the Bahamas" I said. "Rachel is the North Atlantic. Which one requires a true man?" In a brilliant twist of plot, God turns our scheme for safety on us, requiring us to play the man.

Why don't men offer what they have to their women? Because we know down in our guts that it won't be enough. There is emptiness after the debacle with Adam, Eve and God. Eve feels empty. No matter how much you pour into her she will never be filled. This is where so many men falter.

Either they refuse to give what they can or they keep pouring and pouring into her and all the while feel like a failure because she is still needing more.(and so the relationship box begins emptying).

"There are three things that are never satisfied", warns Agur son of Jakeh in.Proverbs 30:15,16 "...four things that never say, 'Enough!': the grave, the barren womb, land, which is never satisfied with water and fire, which never says, 'Enough!"

The barrenness of Eve you can never hope to fill. She needs God more than she needs you, just as you need him more than you need her. So what do you do? Offer what you have. "I'm afraid it won't work" a client said to me when I suggested he move back toward his wife. "She's given up on me coming through for her" he confessed "and that's good". "No it's not" I said. "That's awful". He was headed to a family reunion back east and I suggested he bring his wife with him, make it a vacation for the two of them.

"You need to move toward her." "What if it doesn't work?" he asked. So many men are asking the same question. Work for what? Validate you as a man? Resurrect her heart in a day? Do you see now that you can't bring your question to Eve? No matter how good a man you are you can never be enough. If she's the report card on your strength then you'll ultimately get an F. But that's not why you love her, just to get a good grade. You love her because that's what you are made to do; that's what a real man does. 

EVE TO ADAM
My friend Jan says that a woman who is living out her true design will be 'valiant, vulnerable and scandalous'. That's a far cry from the 'church ladies' we hold up as models of Christian femininity, those busy and tired and rigid women who have reduced their hearts to a few mild desires and pretend everything is going just great. Compare their femininity with that of the good women named during the time of the genealogy of Emmanuel.

In a list that is nearly all men, Matthew mentions four women: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth and Uriah's wife, Bathsheba....Matthew 1:3,5,6. That Bathsheba.goes unnamed tells you of God's disappointment with her and of his delight in these three whom he takes a notable exception to name in an otherwise all-male cast. Tamar, Rahab and Ruth whoa; this will open up new horizons of "biblical femininity" for you.

Tamar we now know. Rahab.(a prostitute).is in the 'hall of fame of faith' in Hebrews 11 for committing treason. That's rightóshe hid the spies who were coming in to scope out Jericho before battle. I've never heard a woman's group study Tamar or Rahab. But what about Ruth? She's often held up as a model at women's studies and retreatsóbut not in the way God holds her up.

The book of Ruth is devoted to one question: How does a good woman help her man to play the man? The answer: She seduces him. She uses all she has as a woman to arouse him to be a man. Ruth, as you'll remember, is the daughter-in-law of a Jewish woman named Naomi. Both women have lost their husbands and are in a pretty bad way. They have no man looking out for them. Their financial status is below the poverty line and they are vulnerable in many other ways as well. Things begin to look up when Ruth catches the eye of a wealthy single man named Boaz. Boaz is a good man, this we know. He offers her some protection and some food. But Boaz is not giving Ruth what she really needsócommitment. So what does Ruth do? She seduces him.
   Here's the scene: The men have been working dawn till dusk to bring in the barley harvest; they've just finished and now it's party time. Ruth takes a bubble bath and puts on a knockout dress; then she waits for the right moment. That moment happens to be late in the evening after Boaz has had a little too much to drink:."When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits . . ."....Ruth 3:7. 'Good spirits' is in there for the more conservative readers. The man was drunk, which is evident from what he does next, pass out. He went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile ...Ruth 3:7.

What happens next is simply scandalous; the verse continues, "Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down."
   There is no possible reading of this passage that is 'safe' or 'nice'. This is seduction.(Song of Solomon 5:4-7:13).pure and simple and God holds it up for all women to follow when God not only gives Ruth her own book in the Bible but also names her in the genealogy.

Yes, there are folks that'll try to tell you that it's perfectly common for a beautiful single woman 'in that culture' to approach a single man.(who's had too much to drink).in the middle of the night with no one else around.(the far side of the grain pile).and tuck herself under the covers. They're the same folks who'll tell you that the Song of Solomon is nothing more than a 'theological.metaphor referring to Christ and his bride'. Ask 'em what they do with passages like:.Song of Solomon 7:7,8 "Your stature is like that of the palm and your breasts like clusters of fruit. I said I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit.".Song of Solomon 2:14-17; 5:2,4. That's a Bible study, right?

What did Ruth and Boaz do that night? He was drunk and fell asleep. So maybe no sex. Maybe she wanted to see what it's like to be close with him, to get a feeling of connectedness. Maybe. Did she wait for him to awake? Maybe. She did stay there with him till he did? This was no nicey, nicey religious fellowship, 'serving the Lord' potluck. Get real!

Religion has really crippled women when it tells them that their 'beauty is vain'.(Proverbs 31:30).and they are at their feminine best when they are . . . 'serving others'??? . . . What idiocy is this? Gimmee a break!

A woman is at her best when she is being a woman.

Boaz needs a little help getting going and Ruth has some options. She can badger him: All you do is work, work, work. Why won't you stand up and be a man? She can whine about it: Boaz, pleeeease hurry up and marry me. She can emasculate him: I thought you were a real man, I guess I was wrong. Or she can use all she is as a woman to get him to use all he's got as a man. She can arouse, inspire, energize . . . seduce him. Ask your man what he'd prefer. Let's get relationships on track!.
 


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