Relationships have
difficulties because of non nourishing behaviors such as dishonesty, abuse,
manipulation, calculating/executing selfish advantage, etc. One needs to
get quiet in meditation to have an
objective insight into what he or she really is like.
If you are trying to nourish
a relationship it's good to know what the East Indians call the
Doshas regarding our role in a relationship.
In this busy world we never
seem to have time for this as we are always acting from the us we only
see the surface of.
Consequently we don't even
know 'what's in there'. We are often so involved with the present's packaging
and delivery that we have forgotten the details of beautiful design the
present may be. Point is, we must look at what's inside. All is beautiful
in it's own time. What seems ugly at first is only that way because we
haven't listened to its message. Just looking
at our dark side, our shadow side, is a beginning for a beautiful journey.
Why?
So, the 'empty box'
analogy
can apply to male/female, boss/employee, parent/child, etc. relationships.
Ask yourself what is the message I am to get from this separation?
The empty box:.Picture
two people facing each other. Between them is an invisible box we'll say
represents this new creation,
this relationship you both are building.
The box has
holes in its bottom representing the drain of daily living and the vicissitudes
of each other's emotions and the often misunderstanding feeding them. Each
in the relationship contributes their best into this box until one gets
fed up for some reason or the other and stops putting into it. One begins
being silent. Silence in a relationship is a signal that there is not a
relationship anymore. It's over!
When you can't
express yourself in a relationship, there isn't one. The
onus
is now on the other to put in a 'double portion'.(some
triple, right?).to
keep the relationship going until the other may again contribute.
But if this doesn't occur within a reasonable period of time, the contributor
becomes frustrated, drained and upset and gives up the effort too. Soon
the invisible box becomes empty and then, having no use, dissipates.
It takes two to make a relationship but only one to break it.
Once this spiritual/emotional/mental
part of the relationship is over,
it will not
be long before the physical part will be too. Then you are faced with
living a fraud by being in a dead relationship you may want others to see
as alive, sort of a keeping up appearances, for some stupid reason.
The rapport
has been severed,
the
rapport that at one time ensured that each time there was interaction
the relationship took at least a small step up, maybe a large one.
The relationship began to
go to sleep or stand still or lie dead the minute the first stopped contributing
and the second one or the other failed to see value.
We would have better relationships if this value was the basis of what
is called marriage, which really is a merging of each person's spirit
into an infinite
relationship. But it's a physical world and the connection with the
Soul is often submerged.
One's individual judgment
has to be used to determine at what point the relationship really is 'laid
to rest'. Then we could perhaps apply.Romans
7:2 to the dead relationship.
Dead and dying relationships
often encapsulate
one's emotions in a box of dullness.
The way out of this dark box is to open the lid to let the light illuminate
what's still out there for you:.Hebrews
13:5 "...I will never leave you, nor forsake you."
This is why it's important
to desire to know the depth, the strength of one's
soul connection. But what if you're just so down
What are they like really,
deep in there? If you can't be sure at first, why go further? If you are
of higher consciousness, know that the spirit makes no errors. The gut
feeling at the first is the result you'll experience later if you don't
listen to it.
If you 'have to' get to know
someone well first, it's probably not going to be the 'right one', because
you
are insecure. If both are of higher consciousness, each sees this immediately
and the relationship just soars
from there:.Amos
3:3. Without growth in the Soul of both before even meeting, forget
it, it's done like dinner. You might as well not waste time out there yet,
until you take some thinking about higher
consciousness principles and decide to live them yourself. Your heart
will change to higher quality, lifting you out of the garbage level of
ordinary mass mind thinking and good will come to you.
It is very important to
treat each other in a loving relationship with the greatest of special
concern, consideration and respect.(Ephesians
5:31-33; Malachi 2:15).and
to do little niceties
for each other. Little things are most important:.Ephesians
5:28-30. The difference in anything can be the little things which
together outshine deficiencies.
We leave our parents for
getting together with another in a relationship:.Genesis
2:24. During our time here
we want to live our lives having someone dear and special to us. One way
to keep the 'dearness' is to constantly improve yourself so you
are of increasing
value.."The
only real measure of your value is the tangible.(and
intangible, such as, caring using prayer).contribution
you make on a daily basis."....Unknown.
Important to keep yourself
new, that is, keep learning so you have new stuff to talk about, to think
about; new stuff equals new thoughts. Your value to another is your knowledge
and what that knowledge has produced in experience and life actions that
are shared.
Selfishness
is worthlessness. We all
treasure
that which
we highly value. Some people only highly value themselves. Instead,
become an indispensable
treasure to your mate and to others. Learn to tell stories that enthrall.
Children love stories; make
them up as you tell them. It's good because they are original and just
from you and it's good because they get to see how you are and they need
role
models to follow. Made up stories with little lessons that will be
helpful to them are valuable. To be worthy of another, one must have recognizable
value to another. It's the same on the job.
1Corinthians
7:39 says:."The
wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives, but if her husband
be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only
in the Lord."
The word "lives" means 'full',
'exciting and vibrant'. The word "dead" here is different than the 'dead'
meaning most commonly used, such as: 'you die' as 'you're put into the
ground or cremated'; 'you're gone from
the physical'; 'you are no longer able to interact with your environment',
however it can also mean death as in
1Corinthians
15:51, etc.
The word
Paul
used here, is the only place it is used out of the 295 places in the New
Testament where the words dead or death are used. It means 'of things put
or set in any place'; 'to stand still', 'to lie still', 'sleep'.
In all other places.(19
in all).where
this original Greek word is utilized, it means 'sleep calmly'.(as
the saints in Christ who die awaiting a resurrection).
In places.(27
in all).where
its root is used, it means 'laid', 'lain', 'lay', 'lie', 'lying', set',
'not made', 'upon' and 'appointed'.
I.think.that
Paul is saying what is explained above in the 'empty box' analogy. I think
this because of the word used and because of the rest of what I said about
these passages and because."God
has called us to peace":.1Corinthians
7:15.
Now do not be so inconsiderate,
stupid and utterly selfish as to want a divorce if children are involved.
If you got kids, you got big time commitment to those children!
Even though the heart commitment is broken between you and your partner,
the heart and head commitment is still there regarding the children.
Such things as breakup are
usually because one feels lack and figures that 'the grass is greener on
the other side of the fence'. It may be a trap
to trick you or it may not.
If you are.sure
they too.would
be much better off and away from your partner, then get out and divorce!
Depending on their age, you can tell the kids why and how much of the 'why'.
But never run your former partner down.(or
anybody for
that matter).to
try to turn the kids against him or her. That breeds hate! And, you reap
what you sow. Before a
kid can become a criminal, he develops hate toward something; himself.(blames
himself), others, the way society appears
to be for him or her, etc.
Be intelligent
enough to ensure that the kids stay with the one most competent.(well
qualified and capable).toward
their upbringing. The kids here are the primary concern!
If the relationship is not
as at the first, when you both were excited about building this new creation
of part of each of you; if the relationship is retrogressing,
then get out:.1John
2:24. If two are in
Christ, love and progress 'should' be forthcoming from both:.1John
4:7,8,11. If you both
are excited about spiritual progress in God, you'll also be excited
about each other.
If the relationship is not
hot
for God and instead is insipid,
it should be spit out:.Revelation
3:15,16. Women in this age of radical feminism
and men, not taught much as boys, by their too busy mothers and fathers,
both need wisdom to know
how to have harmonious relationships and wisdom to know when to move on.
If you have tried and it's unworkable, well, why be where love isn't? You
pass this way once. Try to enjoy the journey! Ride it out! See where life
takes you. And yes, some circumstances will be rough and others easy on
you.
Should I stay or should I
go? Only you can decide if the hope you have for a better tomorrow is worth
today's and maybe more days of sorrow.
-What
about those couples together for 50 years of more? What is their secret?
-I'm in a Christian/non
Christian relationship, having been awakened to spirituality after marrying
this man. That is my situation. Is
there hope for a good relationship?
